When Christmas Isn't Really Christmas
Plus a special playlist of my favorite Christmas songs, just for you!
Only two issues left! Thank you for sticking with me this fall. I greatly appreciate you joining me in this writing experiment.
In this week’s newsletter, I’m diving into what happens when the expectations we set for ourselves—with Christmas, in life—are not met. How do we pivot? And why is it crucial that we do so? After a foot injury and an unsuccessful trip to New York City, I was reminded that shifting and adapting is a part of life, even if we don’t have the time, energy or fortitude to do so.
Bah Humbug!
I'm learning to manage expectations.
A week or so ago, I read a newsletter about having a “just-okay” year. And for me, this year was certainly one of those. I began the year unemployed but soon to start a part-time role doing content direction for a startup. It is the kind of work I am quite familiar with, having spent many years working in upstart media companies, app development, and through my own projects.
But my time there was short-lived, for the founder of the company was … peculiar, letting people go for imagined slights or unmet yet also unexpressed expectations. One thing she said to me is that I didn't exhibit much enthusiasm for the work. And while I certainly loved the concept of the app itself, I couldn't get past her frankly abusive personality, probably because I had encountered many strange and uncomfortable and harassment-filled personalities in the workplace. So yes, I did the work, but was I enthusiastic? Only kind of, sort of.
Taking on that role was the first in a long line of unmet expectations—having high hopes for things and then being disappointed by the realities of life. Hoping for the best and ending up with something, if not worse, then certainly disappointing. And this year, I encountered it with jobs and physical therapy and friendships and even my own body (it was somewhat of a surprise for me to end up back in the hospital, three years after suffering six lung collapses and learn that the expectations of my reconstructive lung surgery were … not met.)
And unfortunately, some parts of this Christmas season were consumed with unmet expectations, too.
My plan for this week was to use this letter to write about my Christmas trip to New York City. It would have been my first time back there since the spring of 2023, and I had long dreamed of getting a chance to see the Rockefeller tree and the Madison Avenue windows and the Christmas markets that make the city so lively during this time of year.
But two days before I was set to leave, I fell down a couple of stairs while carrying four bags of gifts for my adopt-a-family donation. And while I walked it off later that evening, I woke up the next day in extreme pain. Later, I learned I had re-injured a fracture in my right foot. After some waffling during boarding at the airport and hours of pain, I decided to stay home.
It was just another moment in a series of disappointing, unmet expectations for the Christmas season. I anticipated multiple pop-up bars and a long-awaited visit to the Christkindlmarket and some lovely Christmas movies. But life got in the way. That's to be expected of course. But for some reason, I thought I could have avoided those realities (the election, my workload, my fibromyalgia, my age) a little bit longer. Even last night, as I continued wrapping presents, I was left disappointed when I realized the only place I could watch Home Alone and Home Alone 2, my two favorite Christmas movies, on streaming was through Disney+, an app I do not have.
Expectation? Unmet.
So what does all of this mean? It's hard to say.
But a part of me feels like it's tied to how I view other aspects of adulthood and modern life in general. To gain the things that you want, you must pursue them on your own. You must create the life you want. You must actively endure and pivot and shape and build. You must cultivate the joy and beauty and fun and people and places and things in your life. And if something does not meet the expectations you hold, you must set new ones and keep going anyway.
You must keep planning trips or making plans or doing things, even when you are burdened with the frustrations of expectations that are unfulfilled. And so for Christmas, this means creating the parties you want to attend and going alone to the things you thought you'd go to with other people and watching new movies to fall in love with and curating the beauty and lights and dreaminess you want in your life.
Because the thing is, you've probably done it before.
Or at least I have.
I remember that turning point in my twenties when I realized that I wanted a Christmas tree of my own. It never occurred to me to put up my own tree when I was in college. But after, when I was living on my own, I realized that this small touch of beauty was my responsibility alone. And that, unlike the other areas of life that are filled with unmet expectations, this could be something that I created and cared for and cherished and built all on my own. This was something of my own making and it could be glorious.
I remember telling a friend about decorating my own tree during that first year and she said to me, "I don't know. It just doesn't feel the same as the one you would have from growing up." Which is absolutely true.
And that's okay.
I liked figuring out my taste and interests. I liked the process of putting it together, of finding new ornaments (after years of cheap plastic ones from Target), of drying orangle slicesand draping garland. Each year, my tree is a little different and each year it is my own. I decorate the tree to meet my needs—the expectations—of that particular year.
And each year, I am satisfied.
That is good enough for me.
As a thank you for reading this newsletter, I’d like to share a new playlist I’ve created of my current favorite Christmas songs. It’s got some classics, like Donny Hathaway’s “This Christmas” along with controversial choices (“Wonderful Christmas Time,” a song I only recently learned a majority of people hate) and even a new song or two, like Robert Glasper’s “December.” I hope you enjoy it.
DOWNLOAD: Apple Music I Spotify
Tracklist:
“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” - Darlene Love
“This Christmas” - Donny Hathaway
“Sleigh Ride” - The Ronettes
“Merry Christmas Baby” - Otis Redding
“Christmas All Over Again” - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
“Purple Snowflakes” - Marvin Gaye
“What Christmas Means to Me” - Stevie Wonder
“Merry Christmas All” - The Salsoul Orchestra
“Wonderful Christmastime” - Paul McCartney
“O Christmas Tree” - Aretha Franklin
“Christmas Time Again” - EXTREME
“Rocking Around the Christmas Tree” - Brenda Lee
“The Christmas Waltz” - Jose James
“Underneath the Tree” - Kelly Clarkson
“Give Love on Christmas Day” - The Temptations
“December” - Robert Glasper ft. Andra Day
“The Christmas Song” - Nat “King” Cole
“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” - Jackson 5
“Christmas Wrapping” - The Waitresses
“My Favorite Things” - The Supremes
“Christmas Time is Here” - Khruangbin
“Soul Holidays” - Sounds of Blackness
“Christmas Love” - Rotary Connection
“Ave Maria” - Stevie Wonder
See
Red One: OK, apparently the reviews for this were terrible, but I actually liked it? My sister recommended I watch it, and I thought it was pretty cute. I’m a sucker for Chris Evans and as much as I try to not like The Rock, I do find him pretty charming in most things, even when he’s just doing the same schtick as always. Lucy Liu is a queen, as always. And I really enjoyed the polar bear mercenary, Garcia? I don’t know. The father-son b-plot felt very much shoehorned in, but I’ll forgive it. These kind of Christmas movies always have to have an element like that. Like, for real … why do so many family Christmas films feature somewhat absentee fathers.
(Or really, just father issues in general? I’m thinking of I’ll Be Home for Christmas, Jingle All the Way, The Christmas Chronicles, The Santa Clause. Even Home Alone 2 to a certain extent? I’m sure if I had five more seconds to think on it, I’d make a stronger connection to Santa Clause as the Ultimate Father/Grandpa and the Modern Man not living up to expectations … or something. Maybe I’ll write about that more extensively next year.) Now streaming, Prime Video.
Sugarplummed: This. Was. So. Great. Truly, I think it was my favorite Hallmark film of the year. It felt like a “real” movie, which Hallmark movies often don’t. It’s actually funny and charming and grounded. It also shows Hallmark is not afraid to make fun of itself. Janel Parrish should be a bigger star. Now streaming, Hallmark Channel.
I also really enjoyed The Santa Class and A Very Merry Beauty Salon. Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies have been very hit-or-miss for me this year, but these two HIT.
Skip: My least favorite guy won Finding Mr. Christmas, and while he certainly looks the part (he’s definitely one of the better looking leading men Hallmark has employed), he definitely can’t act the part. I was floored that he made it to the end with his sub-par acting skills. Anyway, his movie (Happy Howlidays … cringe) debuts this weekend.
Chicago’s Christkindlmarket was named the most crowded Christmas market in North America. That should come to no surprise for any Chicagoan, especially after they killed the Wrigleyville location of the annual market. What I can’t understand is why they insist on having it in Daley Plaza, which is relatively tiny. There’s ample room in Grant Park, which is rather dead in the post-summer months.
Rising r&b superstar Victoria Monet recently released A Jaguar II Christmas, her second Christmas EP. What I love about these releases from Monet is her ability to transform her sultry singles into festive ditties. She clearly understands the ingredients that make for a Christmas song, without making her reworkings over-the-top or cheesy. Listen to the whole thing here.
Also this:
Gifts of the Week
It’s a little too late to recommend gifts that would be sent through the mail, so I’m sharing some unconventional gift ideas for last minute shoppers.
Aire Ancient Baths: There are only two Aire Ancient Baths locations in the United States, but I would highly recommend it if you’re in the Chicago or NYC area. A series of hot and cold plunge pools, scented saunas, and massages make this a perfect experience for the bitter cold winter months. Starting at $175 (I remember when it used to be $70), Aire Ancient Baths.
The Now Massage: A little more geographically accessible, the NOW Massage chains are just luxe enough for your average person. A monthly membership will run you around $80 per month on average, though these locations also offer one-off massages and walk-in appointments. Starting at $65, The NOW Massage.
Tarot reading: Gift the more unconventional person in your life a tarot reading. I personally recommend Chelsea of Zodiac Healer. She offers monthly transit readings, solar return readings, and natal chart breakdowns. Starting at $85, Zodiac Healer.
And one final thought … until next time!